God Rest Ye, Unitarians
(To the tune of God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen)

God rest ye, Unitarians, let nothing you dismay;
Remember there's no evidence there was a Christmas Day.
When Christ was born is just not known, no matter what they say.
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

Our current Christmas customs come from Persia and from Greece,
From solstice celebrations of the ancient Middle East.
This whole darn Christmas spiel is just another pagan feast.
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

There was no star of Bethlehem; there was no angels' song;
There could not have been wise men for the trip would take too long.
The stories in the Bible are historically wrong.
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

When shepherds watched their flocks by night would be in summer's heat,
Not in late December when the snow would freeze their feet.
It's with the winter solstice Christ was scheduled to compete.
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

No call went out to Israel to come home to be taxed.
The Romans do not note it and their records are not lax.
So Luke has told a pretty tale that's lacking any facts.
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

King Herod never set about to kill all little boys.
Biographers have listed all his sins and gruesome joys.
They'd love to say he did it, but the tale is so much noise.
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

The truth is there's no evidence that Jesus was a man,
Not just the fabrication of some Jews who had a plan
To keep their old religion going strong in gentile lands.
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.