Although most of these have been around for many years, they have herein been revised — some so extensively that they are essentially new, others only moderately. [Notes in brackets indicate the extent of revisions.]

If you have something that you believe would fit this section, please send it to us. If we include it, or a version of it here, you will be given credit.

Several other "Night Before" parodies of lesser quality but still interesting and sometimes humorous can be found at the Urban Legends site.

Christmas Comedy

Christmas Cake Recipe
     The stullifying "Rum and Cola" combination.

"Thank You Notes" for the 12 Days of Christmas
     Agnes succumbs to a bombardment of birds and entertainers. (Adult language) Acrobat (pdf) file. [Several significant corrections, and major revisions.]

Employee Holiday Party
    Office memos from an increasingly frustrated Human Resources Director. [Minor edits.]

An Angel Atop the Tree
     A Christmas tradition Illuminated. (Adult concept). Acrobat (pdf) file. [Moderate revisions.]

A Scientist's View of Santa Claus
     "The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each."

History of Santa Claus
     Only a few people know the truth — and this author isn't one of them — but it sounds convincing.

Holiday Eating Tips
     "The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it."

Christmas Carols and Poems

Here are copies of, or links to, the very best of the hundreds of available rewrites of traditional Christmas songs and verse. So, gather 'round the burning Yule log and read (or sing) to one another for heightened Christmas cheer. Best accomplished after consumption of copious amounts of heavily spiked egg nog.

Website Wonderland
    Fun with Internet addicts. [Moderate rewrite.]

God Rest Ye, Unitarians
    For ye of little faith but great humor. [Additional lyrics.]

Government Version of "A Visit From Saint Nicholas"
    Obtuseness can be fun. This makes a great vocabulary and/or sobriety test. [Minor edits.]

Dieter's Version of "A Visit From Saint Nicholas"
     "The kitchen was empty, no thieves were lurkin', But I opened the Frigidaire just to be certain." [Major modifications]

Politically Correct Version of "A Visit From Saint Nicholas"
     "So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!"

" 'Twas the Night Before Solstice"
    "We'd welcomed the winter that day after school
     By dancing and drumming and burning the Yule."

"The Day After A Visit From Saint Nicholas"
     "The driver was smiling, but I only felt dread; "U.S Postal Service" his new jacket said."

"The REAL Night Before Christmas"
    "When what to my worrying eyes should appear
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,"

"The X-mas Files"
    Scully and Mulder avoid the lethal fruitcake and seek the shape-shifting solstice creature.